Moroni's Glossary of Mormon Terms
Moroni recently discovered that even non-Mormons like to look at naked Utah
girls. Imagine that! If you aren't a member of the LDS church, you
might wonder about some of the terms we use in this site. Here's a little
help.
The lesser of the two priesthoods. Contains the offices of deacon, teacher and priest.
The priesthood -- "the power to act in God's name" -- is avaliable to every "worthy" male
12 years of age and older. Mormons believe they are the only religion to have the keys to
the priesthood. So in other words, 12 year old Mormon boys have the power to act in God's
name and the Pope and Billy Graham don't. Maybe it should be called the "ironic priesthood."
See also deacon, teacher,
priest.
Old Testament prophet who nearly had to sacrifice his son Isaac to prove his faith. Mormons
also have a "Book of Abraham" in their collection of scriptures called "The Pearl of Great Price."
The "Book of Abraham" was said to be translated by Joseph Smith
from an ancient papyrus manuscript that had come into his possesion.
An ancient civilization that lived on the American continents. The good, light-skinned
people were known as "Nephites," after after Nephi a prophet and leader who's writings of
his days are recorded in the Book of Mormon. The bad, dark-skinned people were known as
"Lamanites," named after Nephi's evil brother Laman.
A period of time when people rebel against the prophets. Also called the "Great Apostasy." In this
context, it refers to the period beginning sometime after original apostles were killed and ending
with the new dispensation granted to Joseph Smith to reorganize the church.
Like in Jesus' time, 12 men who help lead the church. It is a lifetime priesthood calling, meaning most
of them are ancient. They also like to use their middle initials (i.e. Boyd K. Packer, Joseph B. Worthlin, etc.)
and speak in monotone voices at the Semi-Annual General Conferences.
Thirteen short statements written by Joseph Smith explaining the
core beliefs of Mormonism. These are memorized by children wanting to graduate from Primary.
Must be performed by a priest or higher priesthood holder by complete immersion. Canditates for baptism must be
at least eight years-old, which is considered "the age of accountability." Children younger than eight are
considered sinless because they are not accountable. Baptism gives a complete remission of sins and is followed
by the confirmation where Mormons receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost.
Outstanding HBO drama depicting an non-traditional Utah family. The protagonist (played by Bill Paxton)
is a father with three wives. While the main LDS Church banned polygamy in 1896, thousands of
Fundamentalist Mormons in Utah and other western states have continued the practice.
The leader of a local ward. An unpaid, often thankless, time-consuming calling, but at least he
does get to hear the hot 18 year-old girls' confessions.
A translation from gold plates made by Joseph Smith, containing the records of the
Ancient Americans.
The book derives its name from the prophet Mormon who made a compilation of the account of these people.
Second president of the Mormon church, led Mormon pioneers from Illinois to Utah in 1847. Also well-known
for having thirty-something wives and more than 100 children.
A large church-run university located in Provo, Utah. Perhaps best known for its football program that
won the controversial 1985 National Championship under legendary coach LaVell Edwards. Students must sign
a detailed "honor code" which says they will, among other things, avoid alcohol and pre-marital sex. That's
why so many BYU students get married so young and it has received the nickname "Breed 'em Young University."
The highest degree of glory in the Mormon after-life. The good people who have been baptized and had their
temple ordinances done will go here after they die and are resurrected.
Snack of choice for young mothers of toddlers during Sacrament Meeting. After Sunday church services,
crushed cheerios often can be found in chapels.
Violent basketball games that begin with a prayer. Also the name of an unfunny Mormon comedy starring,
among others, Gary Coleman of "Dif'rent Strokes" fame.
Stands for "Choose the Right." Young children in Primary are given CTR rings to wear to help them to
remember to make the right choices. In recent years, more and more adults have been getting more elaborate
CTR rings, so it's not just for children anymore.
Fancy name for the sometimes-carpeted basketball gymnasium located in the center of almost every Mormon church.
Here everything from basketball games, to Sunday School classes, to pinewood derby races, to ward dinners, and
plays are held. Young couples who can't afford reception centers often hold their wedding receptions free of
charge here. Balloons and streamers can be placed in the basketball rims to help class the place up.
The first office in the Aaronic Priesthood, generally 12 and 13 year
old LDS boys. So there's a good chance that the punk kid skateboarding in the Smith's parking lot is a
priesthood holder.
A Book of Mormon term meaning "honey bee." It is also what
Brigham Young originally wanted what is now known as Utah to be called.
That's why there are still many businesses with deseret in their names, like the "Deseret Morning News",
"Deseret Industries", and "Deseret Federal Credit Union."
A collection of many of the revelations given to Joseph Smith handed down to successive presidents of the
church. It is one of the Standard Works accepted as scripture by the church.
The proper title given to members of the Melchizedek Priesthood.
The title is used for members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the First Quorum of the Seventy and
for full-time missionaries. That's why all the young men you see riding bicycles wearing white shirts and
ties happen to have the same first name.
The LDS Church's official monthly adult magazine. No, it's not the kind of "adult magazine" that Hugh Hefner
produces. It is writings from Church leaders telling members how they should be living their lives. The church
also produces two other monthly magazines -- The Friend, which is for children, and The New Era, for teens.
What happens to naughty Mormons. If a member of the church commits certain sins -- like adultery,
or having an abortion -- the likely outcome after a bishop's court or high council court. Priesthood
holders decide whether or not the member should be able to remain in the church. Some are excommunicated
and are no longer official members of the Church, although they can be re-baptized after at least one year
if they change their evil ways and repent.
Starving yourself for a full 24 hours, as absolutely no food or drink is to be consumed.
The first Sunday of every month is called "fast Sunday" where all members are supposed to fast and pray for a
reason of their choice to show their humility and willingness to sacrifice for the Lord's sake. It makes for
growling stomaches and bad breath at those Sunday meetings.
Artery-clogging mixture of hash-browned potatoes, sour cream, loads of cheese and topped with
crushed cornflakes -- almost universally served at Mormon funerals and other socials. It's
fattening but oh so tasty. Many of the Angels name this as their favorite Mormon dish.
A Mormon sin -- that's why all forms of gambling, including state lotteries, are illegal in Utah.
It's also why virtually all the cars at the Wendover, Nevada casinos (90 minutes from Salt Lake City)
have Utah license plates. Utahns also travel to Idaho to buy lottery tickets and Wyoming to bet on
the ponies.
That "magic" underwear you may have heard about. Adult Mormons who have been through the temple are
instructed to wear these conservative, white underclothing both day and night. Adventurous Mormons
will remove their garments during marital intercourse, however -- although they will be put back on
shortly thereafter. Many Mormons believe the garments serve as protection and a reminder of the
covenants they have made.
A gift to have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost when one is worthy. It is received after
baptism by immersion by a holder of the priesthood and by the laying on of hands.
BYU coeds during the apostasy known as "Spring Break."
See Celestial Kingdom. Mormons believe that there are three
degrees of glory, the highest being the Celestial Kingdom.
Going against the Mormon Church's conservative teachings when it comes to things of the flesh. Certainly
adultery, fornication, posing nude and running adult websites are considered immoral. But there are lesser
degrees of immorality, too, like getting a tattoo or getting peircings other than one in each ear for a
woman.
A slang term for inactive, non-practicing or ex-Mormons. Many of them even drink coffee and/or beer!
Utah leads the nation in consumption of this tasty treat. While the rest of the world considers Jello
a dessert, Mormons call it "Jello salad." They do make it a little bit healthier by mixing in things like
carrot shavings, cheese and fruit. While all the varieties are used, green Jello seems to be the most
popular.
Founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and translator of the Book of Mormon. (See
LDS.)
See Celestial Kingdom. Mormons believe that there are three
degrees of glory, the highest being the Celestial Kingdom for those who have been baptized Mormon and
have been good. The Terrestrial Kingdom is for the good
people of the world who don't accept Mormonism -- like Ghandi, Mother Teresa, and Mel Gibson. The
Telestial Kingdom is reserved for the really bad people like
Hitler, Sadam Hussein and the owners of Moroni's Angels.
"Latter Day Saints" - another name for Mormons. Comes from the Church's official name "The Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." It is in no way related to LSD.
The higher of the two priesthoods. Contains the offices of Elder, High Priest,
Patriarch, Seventy, Apostle, and Prophet. Named after some dude in the Old
Testament. I can't remember what he did because I must have sluffed seminary that day.
Goody-two-shoes son of Book of Mormon Patriarch Lehi. His descendants -- the Nephites -- became the fair-skinned
protagonists of the Book of Mormon, fighting the evil ways of the dark-skinned Lamanites.
Where Utahns go to have fun.
A sacred ceremony needed to progress and fulfill God's commandments. Can only be done with God's authority,
the priesthood. Includes such things as baptism, laying on of hands for the gift of the holy ghost, temple
endowments and temple marriage.
Hevenly Father's organized plan for his children to overcome sin and death to return to his presence.
Also known as the Plan of Happiness or Plan of Redemption.
Brother Joseph and Brother Brigham's holy excuse to sleep around. A principle taught in the early days of the church,
this refers to a man being married to multiple wives. The practice was discontinued in 1890, after Wilford
Woodruff, then President of the Church received a revelation that polygamy should be discontinued, and published
a statement to that effect. Still, many offshoots of the Mormon Church practice this form of marriage as
depicted in the HBO program "Big Love."
The third office of the Aaronic Priesthood, generally 16-19 year old
boys. A priest can baptize another person and officiate over the Sunday Sacrament.
So that pimply-faced high school junior who was trying to get to second base with your daughter at the movie
last Saturday night in Jordan Commons was probably blessing the sacrament the next morning.
The organization responsible for teaching children. Primary lasts approximately one hour and fifty minutes,
while parents go to Sunday school and Priesthood meeting/Relief Society. Children enter when they are 3 years
old and graduate to the young men/women’s program when they turn 12.
Funny sounding word that is a group of Mormon priesthood holders. For instance, each ward will have a Deacon's
Quorum, Teacher's Quorum, Priest's Quorum, and so on.
Organization of adult women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which complements the
priesthood. The Relief Society was organized by the Prophet Joseph Smith in 1842. These ladies make some
mighty tasty Funeral Potatoes whenever somebody dies.
The blessing and partaking of bread and water in remembrance of Jesus Christ's body and blood each
Sunday at Sacrament Meetings, the longest block of time during a three-hour marathon church session.
A designated geographic area of inhabitants. A stake is divided into wards and branches.
A building set apart for use of meetings and activities of the stake. Also used for regular use of assigned
wards/branches. Also known as the Stake House -- it has nothing to do with Sizzler.
Or the Holy Ghost. Children sing songs about it in Primary.
The second office in the Aaronic Priesthood, generally 14-15 year old boys with raging hormones who are
going through puberty.
That's "Hell" to you. Properly, the lowest of the three degrees of glory, it is compared to the glory of the stars.
D&C teaches that it will be inhabited by "those who are liars, and sorcerers,
and adulterers, and whoremongers." Like us.
The middle of the three degrees of glory, it is compared to the glory of the moon. Basically for good
people who somehow didn't accept the Mormon Church.
A 10-percent "donation" of all income required of good Mormons to be given to the Church. If you don't
pay your tithing, you can't get a temple recommend or the "special blessings" it brings.
An area of the western United States filled with hot girls who frequently take off their clothes, particularly
when cameras are present. The world headquarters of the Mormon church.
What all Mormons are supposed to be when they get married. Also, a non-alcoholic mixed drink
prefered by Mormons due to the Word of Wisdom.
A geographic area whose inhabitants are assigned to attend a specific building at a specific time.
A very small ward is called a branch. Several wards and branches make up a stake.
A bishop is put in charge of a ward.
The revelation (found in Doctrine & Covenants 89) forbidding the use of coffee, tea, alcohol and tobacco.
While Brother Joseph and Brother Brigham liked their coffee and wine, it's now strictly enforced. You can't go
to the temple if you drink or smoke.
Slang for excommunication.
Weekly activities for 12-18 year-old boys and girls where they learn scouting, life lessons, and not to
fornicate.
The capitol city in the Book of Mormon. It's current location is... well, nobody really knows since there's
nothing in Central or South America that really fits the geographical description.
While our Jewish friends might disagree, Mormons believe Utah is Zion -- the promised land. It's also the
name of a National Park in southern Utah.
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